Thanks to the boom in housing prices, 437,000 Californians are trying to make a living selling real estate. Unfortunately, there are only 680,000 home sales in the state each year.
(Source: The Los Angeles Times)
Hip-hop mogul Russell Simmons reveals the secret behind the fashion marketing machine:
"It is how you develop an image for companies...you give out false
statements to mislead the public so they will then increase in their
mind the value of your company."
Okay, we get it. How's this: "Over a million people a week are tuning in to Topic A."
(Source: The New York Times)
IN GOOD HANDS
Never fear -- when Topic A is gone, smart conversation won't be dead. Britney Spears's new reality show will continue to carry the torch. Just sit back and digest these erudite and articulate excerpts from Britney and Kevin: Chaotic...
- "They look like boobs. But they're not...they're my knees! Hahahaha. They're my knees. Um."
- "I got pretty glitter over there! It's really cool."
- "My question is now, what makes it different when you're with one girl, th-- and-- um, than another? When you, like, have sex?"
- "We took my-- um, some...extensions out of my hair...this girl-- I don't know. And, we took the extensions out, and my hair is like, I have none."
- "God, our sex is so good...ecstasy, ecstasy, ecstasy, ecstasy, ecstasy. ...I've had sex three times today."
This week, on ABC's The Bachelor, the latest romantic dumpee exposed a rather shocking human rights violation:
Two photos got all the attention this week: George & Abdullah holding hands, and Brad & Angelina not holding hands. Let's hope that next week the movie stars can get back to some inappropriate touching...and the politicians can keep their hands to themselves
(Sources: US Weekly, New York Post)
ANYBODY REMEMBER THE CRUSADES?
Born-again Christians have become so aggressive in proselytizing at the U.S. Air Force Academy that 55 cadets have filed formal harassment complaints. In response, the academy has begun a course called "Respecting the Spiritual Values of All People," though some evangelical cadets are questioning the need to take it. "They have said, 'We are in the majority, why do we have to do this?'" said Lt. Col. Edie Disler, who helps run the program.
(Source: Los Angeles Times)
Thanks largely to a line in the hit movie Sideways ("If anyone orders Merlot, I'm leaving. I am not drinking any f------ Merlot."), the percentage of households that buy that varietal declined by 2 percent in the three months following the film's release. In the same period, sales of Pinot Noir -- a varietal that is extolled in the film -- jumped 14 percent.
(Source: The Washington Post)
A new survey reveals that 15% of Americans have stopped in the middle of sex to answer their cellphones, compared to only 7% of Italians. Industrious Germans led the pack; a full 22% of them picked up while hooking up. Ich bin ein frustrated Berliner...
(Source: New York Daily News)
Before his death, Marlon Brando gave Michael Jackson a gift -- an offer of sanctuary on one of his private islands in the Pacific. Although Jackson's attorney says he "has absolutely no plans to flee the country," there is half an acre set aside for him...should something change his mind.
(Source: New York Daily News)
WE LIKE THOSE ODDS!
The British bookie who gave the odds for Camilla leaving Charles at the altar (33-1) or vice versa (40-1) lucked out this week, when they went ahead and tied the knot. Disappointed, however, are the gamblers who bet on his 10,000-1 odds that space aliens would land in Windsor during the wedding.
(Source: The Guardian)
The baseball steroids scandal is having an impact on the trading card market. A Mark McGwire rookie card that sold for $8,600 in 2000 is now worth $600; a rookie Sammy Sosa card once valued at $1,200 is now $200.
(Source: Newsweek)
More people disappear in Alaska than in any other state. About five out of every 1,000 Alaskans go missing every year, double the national rate. State police have received at least 60,700 reports of missing persons since they began tracking numbers in 1988.
(Source: The Los Angeles Times)
Execution for Scott Peterson will be by lethal injection, but there is a long line ahead of him on Death Row. The line moves so slowly that since 1978 executions are just the third leading cause of death for California's Death Row inmates. The first is natural causes.
(Source: The New York Daily News)
DON'T LET HER CATCH YOU LOOKING AT LARA CROFT
Looking for a low-maintenance lady friend? Meet Vivienne. In one of the stranger creations of the Virtual Age, Hong-Kong based Artificial Life Inc. offers the "virtual girlfriend"... available via your cellphone for 6 bucks a month. (We're NOT kidding.) You can take Vivienne with you wherever you go, talk to her about everything from philosophy to the movies, send her virtual chocolates or flowers...and even marry her in a virtual ceremony. OK, now where is that virtual man who will tell us how thin we look?
Well, maybe Hillary and Rudy can't wait, but we've already had it with Campaign '08...and it's only 2005! Check out this latest political animation from flowgo.com...then give it a rest for at least a couple of years. Please.
In Ken Auletta's New Yorker article about Dan Rather and CBS this past week, Walter Cronkite described his former colleague of self-consciously "playing a role of newsman." But our attention was caught by a less-publicized detail in Auletta's piece: Cronkite, at the age of 88, still has a staff of four at CBS news...including, by the way, one who is billed as "chief of staff." Just a minute...who's playing the role of newsman here?
(Source: The New Yorker)
Don't even think about challenging Lou Dobbs's credentials as a bona fide farmhand. When Senator Larry Craig told Lou that he clearly "knows very little about American agriculture," the CNN host went to great lengths to set the record straight:
"Let me tell you exactly what I've done. I've picked beets. I have carried potatoes, I have sacked them, I've stacked them. I have cut hay, I have stacked it, and I have carried it. And Congressman...I have harvested beans."
OK, Lou.... it's nice to know that you have something to fall back on if the TV thing falls through.
(Source: Lou Dobbs Tonight)
DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL
Since the 9/11 attacks created a greater need for soldiers, the number of people dismissed from the U.S. military each year for being gay has dropped nearly 50 percent.
(Source: The Washington Post)
Call it the "yummy mummy" effect... Those hot housewives from Wisteria Lane have inspired an epidemic of marital peepshow moments: Katie & Matt focused on cheating spouses all week on the Today show ...the new book To Love, Honor, and Betray: The Secret Life of Suburban Wives offers the cheating confessions of "real life desperate housewives"...and, for those of you who are dateless on Valentine's Day, Cinemax has its infidelity special Loving and Cheating scheduled to air on February 14th.
CONDI ABROAD
Condi may have been a hit on her European charm offensive, but she might not be aware of what she's up against in Russia. Pravda, the country's top newspaper, had some harsh things to say about her demeanor during her confirmation hearings: "She is like somebody with either an acute case of PMS or a chronic case of the menopause....arrogance, supercilious smarm, belligerence, intrusion and pig-headed idiocy all in one fell swoop." Come on now, comrades, tell us what you really think.
The word "blog" is now in the Oxford English Dictionary, but a new survey has found that 62 percent of Americans have never heard the word, and don't know what a blog is.
(Source: Business Week)
Nevermind Laura Bush's delicious white Oscar de la Renta cashmere suit...in a sea of cowboy hats at the inauguration, it was Rummy's dashing fedora that turned our head. Could Humphrey Bogart-style haberdashery be back in style?
THE BUTT STOPS HERE
You knew it had to happen... A new beauty magazine devoted solely to cosmetic "enhancements" hit the newsstands this month. New Beauty is a glossy, strangely addictive parade of before-and-after pics that sends you into a permanent daydream of blown-up lips and sliced-off hips. Tummy tuck, anyone?
Last weekend the "fabloids" didn't just hurtle to press with the break-up of Jen & Brad...they actually moved up their on-sale dates. A spokesman for US Weekly said, "For a celebrity weekly, this is our tsunami..." Oh, please! Is there a rehab program out there for treating loss of perspective?
The big brass at Discovery Communications have announced that they're launching a new cable network next week: The Military Channel. Not to be outdone, The History Channel has decided to spin off its own Military History Channel, coming to the tube in April. At last, the male answer to Sex and the City!
WE'LL MISS YOU, JOHN
Vice President Cheney has picked "Let the Eagle Soar" to be performed at his inauguration. The song was written -- and, some would say, immortalized -- by outgoing Attorney-General John Ashcroft.
A new website, the brainchild of a Montana businessman, is selling "Chrismukkah" cards, T-shirts and mugs online. (Think "Latkes Roasting on an Open Fire.") But for hipster fans of the Fox teen drama The OC, Chrismukkah is old news. They know that Seth Cohen, one of the show's main characters, like totally invented the holiday last year to celebrate with his Christian mom and Jewish dad.
THE $66,334 OF CHRISTMAS
The total cost of the items listed in the song "The Twelve Days of Christmas" (including the repetitions) rose 1.6% from last year, to $66,334. The biggest jump was the 200% rise in the price of a French hen -- now $45.
(Source: CNNmoney.com)
HEAVEN FOR RETAILERS, HELL FOR SHOPPERS
The single busiest shopping hour of the holiday season is from 3pm to 4pm...on Christmas Eve.
(Source: Newsday)
This week, Merriam-Webster published its year-end list of the words looked up most often online. "Blog" topped the list, followed by "insurgent," "hurricane," "partisan," and "cicada"...words that make up a pretty good synopsis of 2004. But then how does one explain the #10 entry, "defenestration" (the act of throwing someone or something out of a window)? Perhaps something to do with the presidential election...
(Source: Merriam-Webster OnLine)
O CHRISTMAS TREE
In the past five years, the number of American homes that display real Christmas trees has dropped 33%, to just 23.5 million. About twice that many have fake trees.
(Source: USA Today)
Before President Bush selected Condoleezza Rice as his Secretary of State this week, Fox News host Bill O'Reilly had a very different suggestion:
"I would replace Secretary Powell with Bill Clinton....Mr. Clinton is a smart guy. Knows the players and the issues and has clout, especially in the Palestinian-Israeli arena. So there you go, bold move, little downside, maybe big benefits. But I'm sure President Bush isn't going to do it."
Gee, Bill, ya think?
PERSON OF THE YEAR
At a panel this week about who should be Time magazine's Person of the Year for 2004, the debate was whether the annual milestone cover should feature God, or Karl Rove...and not necessarily in that order...which seems a false choice, since everyone knows they're the same thing. Time will announce its selection on December 19.
The blue states sent a message across the pond via the internet this week... SorryEverybody.com was started when 20-year-old James Zetlin posted a scratchy homemade mea culpa to the rest of the world... then hundreds of other apologizers posted their shame on the website. But hey! Not so fast, blue state weenies... later in the week, along came the responses from the Red Zone.
JAY LENO WONDERS...
Jay Leno had some unanswered questions this week about the U.S. military offensive in Fallujah:
"Operation Phantom Fury is now underway in Iraq. Where do they come up with the names for these missions? Phantom Fury? What, is President Bush dipping into his comic book collection now?"
(Courtesy of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno)
AND DAVID LETTERMAN WONDERS...
Letterman had some questions of his own this week. Here's how he greeted his Late Show audience:
"Thank you folks, welcome to the show...maybe you can help me out with something. Do you think it's too soon to hit on Mrs. Arafat?"
(Courtesy of Late Show with David Letterman)
Here's an unlikely hit: "Underwear Goes Inside the Pants," comedian Greg Giraldo's comic rant set to music by Lazy Boy. A typical excerpt:
Americans, let's face it: We've been a spoiled country for a long time.
Do you know what the number one health risk in America is?
Obesity. They say we're in the middle of an obesity epidemic.
An epidemic, like it's polio. Like we'll be telling our grandkids
about it one day.
The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004.
"How'd you get through it, Grandpa?"
"Oh, it was horrible, Johnny... there was cheesecake
and pork chops everywhere."
WINNERS & LOSERS
We all know who the big winner and big loser were on election night...but aside from the candidates, who else came out ahead or got left in the dust? Contributing Editor Jesse Kornbluth (editor, HeadButler.com) came up with this list...
| WINNERS: | LOSERS: | |
| Jeff Foxworthy | Janeane Garofalo | |
| suits with bulges in back | L.L. Bean barn jackets | |
| Arnold the stem cell advocate | Arnold for President '08 | |
| Big Gulp and Humvee | lattes and Volvos | |
| Denny's | Whole Foods | |
| Wal-Mart | Target (or "Tar-JAY") | |
| Sunday services | Sunday brunch | |
| flight suit | Eminem-style "hoodie" | |
| money | the dollar | |
| no-bid contracts | stock options | |
| brush-clearing | windsurfing | |
| Mel Gibson | P. Diddy |
LieGirls.com, a faux-phone sex ad aimed at Republicans, features "nasty, dirty, shameless" girls who can be heard telling callers "major combat operations are over," "the economy keeps getting bigger...and bigger...
it's so big!" and -- of course -- "We're the coalition of the willing."
NOT YOUR MOTHER'S "GET OUT THE VOTE" CAMPAIGN
Eminem's new video "Mosh," a call to action on Election Day, features unnervingly stark images of the outspoken rapper leading an army of angry, hooded citizens rising up against President Bush. "Doesn't it make you want to just put your head under the bed cover and hide?" asks Tina. "But then again, I'm not the target audience..."
In October 2000, pollster John Zogby asked real voters this question set in the Land of Oz: For president, would you rather vote for the Tin Man (all brains, no heart) or the Scarecrow (all heart, no brains)? The result: An exact tie, 46.2% to 46.2%
But this October the result was a little different... while there are still a majority undecided, the Tin Man has 40% to the Scarecrow's 10%. Should John Kerry take heart?
(Source: The New Yorker)
BAD HAIR DAY FOR THE BRECK GIRL?
Video feed of John Edwards' obsessive grooming, featured in Harry Shearer's art installation Face Time, is also being widely viewed on the internet. Could this be the My Pet Goat moment for the candidate that Republicans are calling "The Breck Girl"?
AS HEARD ON THE WEB
Roosevelt: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
Kennedy: "Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country."
Reagan: "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!"
W: "You forgot Poland."
(Courtesy of YouForgotPoland.com)
LETTERMAN UNVEILS HIS NEW CONTEST
"This is George W. Bush at the first debate...and you can see clearly that there's something in this area of the suit...and it actually looks like a hot water bottle. The mystery still remains, what exactly is the bulge? So tonight we're going to be playing...GUESS THE BULGE."
(Source: Late Night with David Letterman)
"John Kerry's Dr. Phil appearance had one moment that most clearly captured the essence of the candidate:
Mrs. Phil: Is one of your daughters more like you than the other?
Kerry: Yes. No. Well, that's...gosh, I'd like to...yes, but I guess, yes. The answer is yes.
Mrs. Phil: Which one do you think is more like you?
Kerry: Well, I - I - that's why I hesitated...because I think in some ways my daughter Alexandra is more like me, but in other ways my daughter Vanessa is more like me."
(Source: The Daily Show with Jon Stewart)
JOHN KERRY: THE VIDEO GAME
Don't have time to see all the documentaries about John Kerry's military service in Vietnam? Coming soon from Kuma Reality Games is Mission: John Kerry's Silver Star... the video game.
SUITE & INNOCENT
Virgin Atlantic has a new ad running exclusively on the Adult Desires pay-per-view channel in hotels. Called "Suite & Innocent," it's a porn spoof featuring characters with names like "Miles High" and "Summer Turbulence." Talk about the Friendly Skies...
The winner in every presidential election since 1980 has been the candidate whose Halloween mask was the most popular. This season, masks of George W. Bush have been outselling those depicting John Kerry by a margin of 57 percent to 43 percent. (Source: BuyCostumes.com)
BUSH CHATS WITH DR. PHIL
Dr. Phil: Do you think [your daughters will] marry someone like their dad?
Laura Bush: Yeah. Sure.
George Bush: Really? ...Listen, I just want someone to go fishing with other than Barney the Dog.
(Source: Dr. Phil, 9/30/04)
FROM RUSH, WITH LOVE
Radio host Rush Limbaugh had some choice words for Tina, after we commented on bloggers and the CBS memo scandal:
"Here's Tina Brown who, my friends, if you want to know, and you may not outside of New York, but if you want to know who defines media elitism in New York, it's Tina Brown...No, no, Tina, it's not that CBS management blew it or that CBS management was wrong and it extends down even below management. No, this all happened because they got caught, and she's mad they got caught."
(Source: The Rush Limbaugh Show)
"Bush IS a goner -- IF we all just quit our whining...Geez, this is embarrassing! The Republicans are laughing at us. Do you ever see them cry, 'Oh, it's all over! We are finished! Bush can't win! Waaaaa!'"
(Source: MichaelMoore.com)
LATE-NIGHT COMEDY VIEWERS
Viewers of late-night comedy programs, especially The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, are more likely to know the issue positions of presidential candidates than people who do not watch late-night comedy.
(Source: U. Penn. National Annenberg Election Study)
"A lot of new shows premiering this week...CBS has a new newsmagazine coming out. It's called Dan Rather's Believe It or Not. You know what you call CBS News after they lose their credibility? Fox News."
(Source: The Tonight Show with Jay Leno)
McClard's BBQ in Hot Springs, Arkansas is changing its menu for the first time in 76 years. Bill Clinton's favorite BBQ joint made the change following his recent bypass surgery...after the restaurant consulted with a cardiologist.(Source: The Associated Press)
IRAQI REALITY TV
You may be familiar with ABC's Extreme Makeover: Home Edition...now check out the Iraqi equivalent. Labor and Materials, the war-torn country's first reality show, rebuilds homes that have been blown apart by bombs, cannons and missiles. "Nation-building"...one TV show at a time.
